Emelia Rixon personifies the struggles of the “sandwich generation.” This term defines people who balance the work of taking care of their elderly parents and their own children. Rixon, whose parents live 400 kilometers away in Sydney, has found herself in a demanding role as the primary caregiver for her parents, Kevin and Margaret Rixon. Her father’s health is deteriorating, and her mother requires round-the-clock care. Today, she is balancing the painful line between honoring family responsibilities and advancing her own life.
For the last eight years, that person has been Kevin himself—as he’s been caring for his wife, who underwent a rough course of health events. Just as this was all coming to fruition recently, Kevin himself got sick, requiring a valve replacement in his own heart. Since this operation, he has gone on dialysis three times a week for five hours per session. Even with these challenges, he makes every effort to see Margaret several times a week, which reflects his commitment to their deep-seated relationship of more than 30 years.
Navigating Family Responsibilities
As a single mother and co-parent to two teenage kids, juggling their needs at home and around town means managing her parents’ care. This dual responsibility has made her leave home and has robbed her of precious time with her own kids. Reflecting on her situation, she remarked, “It’s tricky … I feel like I have to be the boss.” She artfully weaves together this daunting landscape. Even with help from her older sister, at the same time she becomes a “team captain” in coordinating her parents’ needs.
Their condition is complicated even more by the great distance between Emelia and her parents. “You can’t do it all, especially from a distance,” she stated. Now that her father’s health is further deteriorating, Emelia understands that she needs to rely on the support systems that are out there. And she still reflects on the advice she got years ago to “stop watering dead plants.” This wisdom has persisted with her, as she now sees the profound weights of caregiving.
The Strain of Caregiving
Simultaneously caring for aging parents and raising children creates special challenges. Emelia characterizes this work as a “big hard job” that brings a lot of emotional heaviness. And then there’s the societal pressure, one that many caregivers are bombarded with. “There’s a little bit of pressure there, and it’s the old adage: it’s lonely at the top,” she said.
Today she’s focused on ensuring that health services are more supportive of families like hers. “I think we have to lean on the health services and expect a little bit more from them,” Emelia asserted. As she navigates the complexities of her current situation, she remains aware that without continued advocacy for better resources, many will struggle alone.
Open Communication with Family
Open lines of communication between families can make all the difference during these challenging times. Emelia has made open and honest conversations about her parents’ health a priority with her kids. “We’ve been very frank about what’s happening to Grandma and Poppy with the children,” she explained. By encouraging frank discussion, she aims to set an example of empathy and accountability for her kids.
Emelia became his power of attorney and enduring guardianship more than 10 years ago. Looking back on that choice now, she’s conflicted. “I said I’d do this, but I actually [didn’t] know what the job was,” she confessed. Even in adversity, familial passion is what drives her forward.
