Ruby was born in 2005. Ruby is now 18 years old. She is an inspiration and example for all young people, especially those struggling with the realities of domestic violence. Ruby experienced this violence with her mother and two sisters. Today, she pours the trauma of her past into a fervent crusade for more resources targeted toward youth. Her story, like so many others, from victim to advocate, shows the need to recognize the needs of children and adolescents, often underrepresented in adult focused domestic violence conversations.
At the wee age of eight, Ruby was kind of led into an environment that was filled with domestic and family violence. After a lifetime of growing up in danger, her family made it out to safety, giving them the chance to begin their new life. This new start did not remove the impacts that were etched in history. Here, Ruby opens up about her challenges in getting the support she needs. She tends to Google questions and find things intended for adults, but not much for kids.
“I had no idea that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal because I experienced households with yelling and hitting and throwing objects since I was very young,” shares Sarah Williams, who echoes Ruby’s sentiments on the invisibility of young victims in domestic violence narratives. Sarah’s own childhood, raised in the midst of her parents’ physically abusive relationship, has similarly inspired her drive to push for change.
The survey found nearly 40% of young adults ages 16 to 24 say they experienced domestic violence as a child, before turning 18. This statistic highlights the alienation for youth victims, and the immediacy of addressing their unique needs, as showcased by victims like Ruby and Sarah.
Ruby’s voice carries through as she openly discusses the lack of support of current domestic violence services. She makes a compelling case that young people, too, are left behind in a system that’s too focused on adults. “What young people are telling us is that it’s really unclear where they can find services that support them, that are relevant to them … and they’re just repeatedly falling through the cracks,” states Chelsea Tobin, CEO of Safe Steps, a 24/7 family violence response centre.
Tobin believes that children and young people are frequently viewed merely as extensions of their protective parents rather than as individuals with their own experiences. “What I would say is young people in particular are the forgotten, invisible victims of family and domestic violence,” she explains.
Pam Barker, CEO of Brisbane Youth Service, underlines the need for early intervention and education. She explains that when young people are not shielded from violence and don’t have the necessary resources or help, the effects can echo for generations. “They witness it or they’re subjected themselves to the violence, and then what occurs is these young people learn how to solve problems and emotionally regulate through the use of physical violence or emotional violence,” Barker warns.
Ruby, equally, looks back with amazement on how deeply she was marked by what she experienced. “Occasionally you see a vision of a child on the side or something like that … but that is a shallow perception of what actually happens because it’s so much deeper than that,” she asserts. Ruby, like many other girls, has gone through much more than the trauma of seeing domestic violence. They bear profound emotional wounds that we must address right now.
Their combined narratives illustrate an urgent need for a greater range of services that specifically address the needs of young victims. Chelsea Tobin emphasizes that many young individuals do not reach out for help due to misconceptions about available resources. “They don’t call us, they don’t call anyone, because they see traditional services as irrelevant, unhelpful, or inaccessible,” Tobin states.
Ruby’s a hundred percent on board. She feels that existing services are not catering to the distinct experiences of children and young adults. “Those big words, and complicated definitions … they were very complicated for a young person to understand and that kind of left me more confused than before,” she reflects on her attempts to navigate the system.
