Phyllis as a fierce advocate on behalf of the mother and caretaker. She addresses the struggle of juggling her work-life while taking care of her aging mother and raising two teenage boys. Since the passing of her husband, Dino, in 2011, Phyllis has taken on the role of primary caregiver for her 95-year-old mother, Barbara. She artfully manages these new duties with her own domestic concerns and professional life.
After Dino’s passing, Phyllis sought grief counseling for a year, navigating the emotional toll of losing her father, who not only served as a parental figure but was also Barbara’s interpreter during moments when her limited English faltered. Caught between two worlds, Phyllis had an indelible experience at Dino’s bedside when he died. The experience had a profound effect on Sheila that ultimately defined her path as a family caregiver.
Phyllis holds the family role as the bedrock of black homes. To juggle her dual roles, she’s set up some iron-clad boundaries. She draws these lines in the sand for herself to stay sane. This is all critically important while she raises her two sons, Dean, 19, and Max, 16. Phyllis knew from experience that art needs boundaries. Absent them, she finds it increasingly difficult to care for her disabled young son as well as her elderly mother.
Phyllis’s care for others does not stop with her immediate family. She is actively involved in helping her 16-year-old son finish an 1,800-word essay while juggling a demanding career that includes full-time work, a radio-hosting role, and freelance writing and speaking engagements. This multifaceted approach to life highlights Phyllis’s determination to provide for her family while pursuing her professional aspirations.
Beyond her role as a caregiver, Phyllis has used her experiences to share the realities of caregiving through the arts. She wrote and performed in her first one-woman show in 20 years, “A Little Bit of Lip,” at the Sydney Fringe Festival. Her daily experiences as a peri-menopausal co-parent and caregiver are documented in this production. It acts like a therapeutic release for her and it connects her to other people who are going through the same things.
Phyllis’s mother, Barbara has instead decided to take a more traditional Greek-style of grieving with the loss of Dino, instead of talking to someone in therapy. This ruling highlights the serious impact of cultural differences in how families cope with grief and trauma. Though Barbara has chosen to deal with grief through bonds of kin and neighborhood, Phyllis’s path has involved the guidance of professionals.
Although part of the unfortunate “sandwich generation,” Phyllis most times laughs at that label. She illustrates the complexity of this demographic by caring for both aging parents and teenage children at the same time. She moves with wisdom in establishing boundaries. By equipping her with this knowledge, she can provide powerful advocacy without compromising her mental health or that of her family.
Despite all of these complications and challenges, Phyllis is firm in her determination. She knows that when she makes time for her health, she has more energy and focus to be with and care for everyone in her life. Her journey is just one testament to the amazing resilience of fellow caregivers. With surprising ease, they slalom between family responsibilities and individual ambition.
