In response to the shocking shooting emergency on Bondi Beach, psychologists have been doing their part to help prepare. They encourage parents and guardians to be intentional when discussing this tragic event. Children under 10 may find conversations easier to digest if they are adjusted to match their maturity level, all while keeping the feeling calm and safe. In addition, they share tips about being honest, sticking to simple messages, and keeping conversations going to help children feel safe in the midst of the turmoil.
Carly Dober, a child psychologist, highlights the need for conversations to be guided by each child’s emotional intelligence and cognitive capacity. She highlights that children often ask questions in the same manner that adults do. They ask questions like, “How were people injured? Is there danger to me? to my school? Is this going to occur again? Dober stresses the importance of not overwhelming children with information that is “inappropriate for their developmental level and might make them more scared.”
Tailoring Conversations to Developmental Levels
This is why experts like pediatrician Dr. Tovah Klein suggest that parents determine how ready their child is to process and talk about violent events. Dober recommends that parents let kids guide the discussion and figure out what to ask, but be careful about what is offered and given. She recommends, “You don’t have to respond to all the questions. There are still things we haven’t figured out, so accept that possibility.”
Perhaps most importantly, Dr. Katie Wood agrees with Dober’s statements, placing a strong emphasis on the importance of recognizing a child’s capacity to manage mixed emotions. “It comes down to understanding how much a child can navigate, based on emotional intelligence, cognitive capacity, and developmental appropriateness,” she says. This technique not only encourages ease of conversation, but assists in creating an atmosphere of trust between parent and child while navigating tough conversations.
In addition, as Zena Burgess reminds us, children are incredibly perceptive and can spot a fake. She warns that they “pick up really quickly if you’ve been disingenuous,” making honesty crucial in these conversations. First, Burgess recommends that parents speak about difficult events using broad strokes, thus limiting the fear or anxiety they may incite.
Creating a Safe Environment
To restore a sense of safety to children, experts emphasize the need to keep routines as normal as possible and create a peaceful atmosphere when talking about traumatic occurrences. Dober recommends helping parents to tell children, “you’re safe, and all is well,” and this simple reassurance may remove 90 percent of a child’s fears.
Dr. Wood’s advice to parents is to not make the discussion more complicated than it needs to be, so that kids aren’t left feeling scared. She reminds parents never to lose sight of making your child’s emotional health a priority. Your objective,” she explains, “is to make sure they’re safe and secure in their social dynamic, not the breaking news from today.” Such a strategy can prepare children to better process disturbing information while protecting them from needless worry.
In addition to limiting children’s exposure to media coverage of the shooting, Dober stresses the importance of monitoring that exposure. She focuses, in particular, on the fact that it’s probably unavoidable that kids will encounter this material in one form or another. This is why it’s so important for caregivers to try and limit TV and background media at all times. This practice reduces exposure, providing a more conducive environment for conversations about the event to be held.
Ongoing Dialogue and Support
Experts all agree that one-time conversations aren’t enough to help children process and overcome these new fears in the wake of a traumatic event. Dober suggests holding ongoing conversations so that children always have someone to turn to as they work their way through their feelings. She elaborates that by empowering children to share their concerns and curiosities about attacks like these, parents can cultivate a space of transparency and comfort.
Dr. Wood and Dober both agree that starting a dialogue early on will help smooth over any fears children may have. Dober remarks on the importance of being proactive: “This is such a high-profile story that it will probably be repeated often, and we don’t want to continuously expose them to it.”
