Marketers and advocates alike stress the need for honest dialogues among parents and kids. This is particularly acute in light of the growing demand for response to school shootings. Dr. Mona Potter, a noted child psychologist, advocates for parents to “avoid avoiding” these conversations, suggesting that when children are aware of such tragic events, it is crucial for parents to engage them in discussion.
Dr. Deborah Gilboa, another leading authority on the subject, emphasizes the importance of emotional readiness before starting these delicate discussions. She urges parents to stop and think about how they feel about school shootings themselves. An unstable emotional environment makes clear communication impossible to achieve. This in turn complicates children’s abilities to communicate their experiences and emotions, since children will almost always carry the weight of their parent’s sadness.
Nationally, this issue has grown even more important in light of how traumatic events misinform and injure children at disproportionate rates. Experts suggest parents begin these discussions from a place of curiosity by asking questions like, “What do you know about this?” This method gives children the space to communicate their thoughts and concerns, creating a climate of careful consideration and checking-in that is supportive.
Understanding Children’s Responses
Research shows kids understand school shooting news more than you think. Experts warn these delicate matters are best left to professionals. Dr. Janet Taylor points out that some children may exhibit behavioral changes such as difficulties focusing, irritability, or sleep disturbances. These changes are a result of children actively making sense of what they are experiencing. This processing can be a bit hidden beneath the surface.
It is vital that parents continue to be aware and sensitive to any changes in their child’s actions after these experiences. By accepting these transformations, they can be more in tune with how their child is processing the loss of this past reality.
“If we have empathy for their feelings, ask them how they’re doing and involve them in making a difference, we’re giving them the best shot we can of having stronger mental health through some unbelievable stressors.” – Dr. Deborah Gilboa
Dr. Gilboa further emphasizes the importance of guiding children to channel their attention on finding a purpose in the aftermath of tragedies. Encouraging involvement in school clubs or community activities can provide children with an outlet for their feelings and foster a sense of agency in a world that may feel chaotic.
The Importance of Ongoing Dialogue
Experts, including Robin Gurwitch, advocate for the continuation of conversations about school shootings rather than treating them as one-off discussions. By having these conversations consistently, families can create a stronger foundation of trust and growth.
Gurwitch recommends that parents model open communication with their children by starting conversations, and by agreeing to talk about hard topics. A simple statement like “I really do care about you and I am open to having this discussion” can go a long way in reassuring children that they have a safe space to express their concerns.
Dr. Potter emphasizes that if children are older than eight years, engaging them in discussions about these events is vital. This cohort is typically the most socially conscious in cost cutting. They are better able to grasp abstract concepts related to violence and safety.
“Rather than try to protect them, it’s really important to think about how do we prepare them for the world.” – Dr. Mona Potter
Dr. Melissa Brymer recommends that parents should be honest but developmentally appropriate when addressing these issues. With younger kids, all that detail can be daunting and excessive. Instead, giving participants confidence that appropriate safety measures will be in place can build trust and ease concerns without avoiding the business of the event.
Strategies for Effective Communication
Parents can make difficult conversations about school shootings easier by following these tips. Imposing feelings or reactions onto a child is a huge intervention, and Dr. Gilboa’s work teaches us that we should avoid doing so. Fostering an open and continual dialogue is key. Parents, you should teach your children to have open conversations with you. This allows kids space to process their own reactions to these events.
“We can’t come to our kids and have the conversation if we’re a wreck,” – Dr. Deborah Gilboa
Establishing an environment where children can express themselves freely fosters a culture of emotional authenticity and helps kids process their feelings at their own pace. Listening attentively is crucial. As Dr. Gilboa notes, “We really listen to their answer before we flood them with more information.” This process lets families better understand what’s worrying their child and how best to reassure them.
Dr. Brymer further highlights the need to take a step back before entering these conversations. Being mentally and emotionally ready will help you feel more connected and attuned to the kids you talk to when confronting big and scary issues.
Furthermore, teaching kids to focus their anger and fear into something productive helps build their resilience. Dr. Brymer suggests prompting children to think about ways they can contribute positively within their schools or communities in light of tragic events.
“Can you encourage your kids to think about is there a club or some type of activity that they can do within their schools to show and create change?” – Dr. Melissa Brymer
