Perimenopause, or the change of life, is the transitional phase that leads to menopause. It usually begins as early as age 40 and can linger for several years. During this transition, women experience a myriad of physical and psychological symptoms. These symptoms severely reduce their overall quality of life and negatively affect their social interactions. Physical symptoms like irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, and emotional changes like mood swings and irritability are all part of the experience. Libido and cognitive function issues double down on the problem, compounding a major challenge for women and their partners.
Medical experts say it’s all about being aware and informed when taking on this new and exciting life stage. Dr. Kelly Teagle is an expert in women’s health and she highly recommends that partners have open conversations. Open dialogue is absolutely key in addressing the impact of perimenopause on sexuality and mental health. In fact, an alarming 70% of women attribute marital failures to the stresses of menopause. This highlights the pressing need for investment during this transition period.
Understanding Perimenopause
In perimenopause, hormonal fluctuations take place over the course of a few years before menopause. The average age for women to reach their last menstrual period is 51 years. Perimenopause symptoms can actually start many years earlier. Under 10% of the time, it can start as early as before age 40.
These common symptoms can be very debilitating. You’ll deal with irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, cognitive disruption, migraines, and a drastic drop in sex drive. These symptoms can produce a frustrating feeling of urgency for women who just want answers and relief.
“I had to gather up all of those pieces and put myself back together.” – Allison
These symptoms place an enormous emotional burden. They leave women and their partners feeling alone and misled. Carl describes his frustration with the lack of knowledge about perimenopause, stating, “I wish I’d known more about the other symptoms you could expect. I wish I knew how lagging behind big parts of the medical profession are in dealing with it.”
The Impact on Intimacy
One of the more damaging aspects of perimenopause is how it negatively impacts intimacy between partners. Unfortunately, too many women experience a severe drop in libido throughout this stage. Dr. Teagle wants people to know that hormonal changes can lead to vaginal dryness, which contributes to sexual pain. He emphasizes that these easily treatable conditions shouldn’t be overlooked.
“So, understand that these hormonal changes can really impact libido, vaginal dryness and can even cause sexual pain, which is something that’s very treatable.” – Kelly Teagle
As desire diminishes, other women start to feel guilty or like they’re failing. Sarah reveals her struggle with these feelings: “I am open with him about my loss of libido… but sometimes I feel I have given him a raw deal. Not only am I infertile I am in the midst of an total hormonal cyclone long before I should be.”
The emotional impact can cause partners to feel abandoned, betrayed or question their reality. Kelly Teagle explains the frustration experienced by partners when they witness significant changes in their loved ones: “Somebody that you really love, all of a sudden, has turned into this screaming banshee or is behaving really erratically and unpredictably…”
The Importance of Communication
Honest and open dialogue about the changes coming with perimenopause can help both partners enjoy a steadier ride through this rough patch. Regardless of how you are dealing with it, Dr. Teagle encourages women to empower themselves with information and discuss their perimenopausal experiences with their partners. She emphasizes that partners cannot read minds: “If you’re feeling lousy and you know that it’s likely due to perimenopause, then talk to your partner about it.”
Secondly, stakeholders need to be clear on how they provide support—not try to be the answer to the problems caused by perimenopause. Allison shares her perspective: “You need to stand beside your partner. You need to support them. You do not need to solve this problem — you can’t solve it. You need to understand that this poor person is now standing on quicksand.”
By creating a safe space for open dialogue, partners can help each other navigate the hurdles that come with perimenopause. Dr. Teagle encourages partners to remain patient and compassionate throughout this journey: “Knowing that it’s actually something physiological and that they can’t help it a lot of the time can really help.”
