Emma-Jane Molan is part of an eternal search for familial roots. For almost 40 years, she has been looking for her stepmother, Margaret, and stepbrother, Graham. Emma’s story serves to highlight the often difficult and complicated path that blended families must navigate post-separation. Emma did not grow up living with her dad and step-mom on a full-time basis. Instead, she picked them up every other weekend and for part of the school holidays.
Emma – who has not seen Margaret and Graham for nearly 40 years – remembers her time with great love. Even though her parents separated in the late 1980s, Emma had great admiration for her dad and stepmom. Compounding her emotional turmoil, she is overwhelmed by a rush of nostalgia for their two-decade long bond.
“I would love to have some questions answered and just to see what happened to them,” Emma expressed, highlighting her yearning for reconnection.
In the course of her visits, Emma had become very close with her dapper older stepbrother, Graham. She did feel just a touch of envy for Graham. This was because of their housing situation, since Graham had been living with their dad full-time. At the time, she was unable to articulate these feelings but recognizes them now as part of her emotional landscape growing up.
Emma’s efforts to stay in touch with her stepfamily have proven fraught. After the separation, she saw Margaret and Graham a couple of times but lacked the technology available today that could have facilitated ongoing communication.
“Maintaining contact with stepfamily after a separation can be difficult,” Emma acknowledged. Despite the challenges, she remains hopeful. Emma hasn’t lost hope of finding her stepmother and stepbrother, even as the years roll on.
In her advocacy for family, Emma has gone above and beyond to make sure that her family are the most protected. As a queer woman, she has established a will with her present partner. This guarantees that if either of them were to die, their children would inherit the appropriate portion of whatever was passed down.
“We have our wills set out. If one of us were to pass, our children will receive our parts of the will,” Emma stated. This comprehensive yet nuanced approach is a perfect reminder of just how important it is for stepfamilies to think ahead. Doing so is critical, given some of the complex unintended consequences that can occur.
Emma’s story is a heartbreaking reminder of what separation can do to important relationships within stepfamilies. The emotional bonds that connect people tend to persist, even when the connections made by touch and physical presence become severed.
Emma’s search has included revisiting cherished memories. In the above picture, home development and field trip grants, she fastens her iconic smile as a girl on the move with lunchbox full of dreams. This picture expresses perfectly the joy she experienced when visiting Margaret and Graham.
When she thinks back on her life today, Emma is clear that she wanted an attachment to her stepfamily. “I think I visualized us continuing a relationship of some sort … Coming around once a month for dinner or doing something together,” she remarked wistfully.
Though years have passed, Emma continues to keep the faith. “I don’t see them ever not having a close relationship,” she said, indicating her belief in the strength of familial bonds. Her fierceness and resolve is apparent as she moves forward in her pursuit.
Emma is determined to stay true to what brought her here — reuniting with all the souls she took for granted. The emotional distance created by decades of separation has not lessened her love for Margaret and Graham.
