An artist and mother looks back on the beauty and struggle of her transformative path through the self-imposed divide between tradition and practice. It’s been four years since her partner suddenly pulled the plug on their relationship, leaving her alone at eight months pregnant. She continues to grapple with unresolved issues surrounding their breakup. His mother strikes a powerful image as her son prepares for his first day of school. While this important milestone makes her proud, she’s swept over these days by persistent grief.
The mother’s relationship with her son’s father quickly dissolved as she approached the end of her pregnancy. She had to navigate a world-altering decision that left her holding the burden of unexpected motherhood by herself. On top of all that, she needed to manage the emotional impact of their unexpected break-up. A couple of months after their breakup, she texted him. She just needed to know that he was OK and needed answers, looking for closure after their sudden, unwanted separation. Her efforts to reach out were ignored. Since that message, they had not spoken for three years.
Now several decades later, as that mother looks back on their separation, she is repelled by how cavalierly their split remains undone. This uncertainty, this inability to ever really know why their relationship was gonna be over, hangs like a lead beam over her. Yet she recalls with laser-like clarity the anguish of her early days as a single mother. To have the man who had been her partner in life remain utterly silent only deepened her burdens. Four years have passed since their last joint appearance, but the questions remain.
It was an interpersonal emotional terrain made doubly complex two years ago, when a very close friend suddenly broke our friendship off. The unexpected death of her husband created additional challenges in the mother’s life as she continued to raise her son as a single mom. That friendship, full of support and understanding, ended just as her son came to an important transition. He was about to begin school. She remembered on his first day of school, she experienced a wave of nostalgia as she seen him don his uniform. While the occasion brought her immense happiness, she said, it was tinged with grief at the same time.
The first day of school can be a bittersweet moment, too, and not just for parents. To this mother, it was a sweet day indeed, but one filled with stark reminders of her present reality. She had reached out to her friend to share this significant milestone in her son’s life, hoping to rekindle some connection despite their past differences. Without that friendship you really saw how much she is struggling and isolated on her journey in the parenting process.
It was two years after her son began school that the friendship between me and my best friend began to end. For both mother and child, this day was a new beginning. As he stepped into the classroom, she felt a mixture of happiness for his new adventure and sadness for the relationships that had changed around them.
