Hailey Lin is a 33-year-old clinical psychosexual therapist, currently based in Sydney. She juggles the day-to-day challenges of a demanding profession both successfully and largely in secret from her family. Therapists like her and Ronald Hoang are frequently left in the same position. They foster each other’s artistic vision, social awareness, and efficiency in their work as family and relationship therapists. Both therapists are members of a small but significant cohort of practitioners with Chinese ancestry on Australian soil. In fact, according to 2021 Census data, there are only 80 Mandarin, Cantonese and other Chinese dialects psychotherapists in the whole country.
Lin has a postgraduate degree in sexual health and counselling. Throughout her career, she has worked to address the always-taboo, never-acknowledged topic of intimacy. Her professional expertise aside, her own mother is still not sure what she does. To this day, she has no clue as to what I do. Here’s what Hoang had to say about the situation. She emphasizes that cultural stigma can misconstrue the image of the mental health profession, making some people think of her counterparts as “the crazy people.”
The therapists’ experiences shed light on the stigmas surrounding the broader Asian community and cultural competence regarding sexual health and relationship discussions. Lin reminds us that the majority of teaching on sexuality in education has left out key layers of sex education including concepts of consent and pleasure. “They just talk about biological stuff, but they don’t tell you how to give consent to help your first sexual experience, or they don’t talk about pleasure,” she explained. This gap in knowledge can contribute to feelings of shame and confusion, especially for clients who identify as Asian.
Based on their experiences, Lin and Hoang advocate for the ‘good-enough sex model. This psychological principle calls on us to appreciate the good, close relationships we do have and cultivate them with realistic expectations. They remind us that the most intimate relationships organically have an ebb and flow to them. “Sometimes it’s summer, hot and sticky,” Hoang explained. “Other times, it’s winter and it’s cold,” he continued, painting a picture of how sometimes the mood shifts.
In addition, shame is a huge barrier for many of their clients, especially those from Chinese backgrounds. As Hoang noted, “Shame is a weapon that’s endemic to Asian culture,” making conversations around sexuality even more difficult. He observed a huge increase in Asian Australian clients, once he established his private practice. All of this highlights just how vital representation is in therapeutic spaces. They really open up during those counseling sessions. When I visit their countries, they get the impression that I understand where they’re coming from culturally.
Through Lin’s work, she pushes against the stigmas that often accompany the discourse around sex. “And I think there’s a stereotype that it’s really just Asians, or Chinese people, who have a hard time talking about sex,” she added. And the reality is, even for Western folks, they have a hard time, because it’s counter to the dominant culture. This understanding goes to show how pervasive these challenges are for all of us, no matter what cultural background we come from.
Both therapists emphasize the need to empower communicative open dialogue with close partners with sexual activity as a crucial part of creating pleasurable and safe sexual experiences. Hoang encourages his clients to approach discussions about sex with openness: “If you want more sex, just talk about it openly. It doesn’t have to be something serious.” Their model promotes normalizing these conversations as an expectation of any responsible relationship.
Lin takes us along on her incredible journey from her hometown to Sydney. She wanted to go on and study postgraduate course in sexual health and counselling. Despite her accomplishments, she still has to deal with familial misconceptions of what her job entails. These days, Hoang’s mother is beginning to get a clearer picture of her son’s career. Her changing attitude makes him immensely proud. Their experiences highlight the importance of cultural identity to professional practice, in a rapidly diversifying Australia.
By sharing their experiences, both Lin and Hoang hope to break down the stigma that makes it hard for the Asian community to talk about sexual health. Every day, they strive to create a therapeutic space where clients can unpack their experiences without fear of retribution or shame. Lin observed that talking about sex can be like trying to speak an alien language, particularly when discussing the body and sexual intimacy. She drove home the strong, imperative need for the education in this critical field.
