Increased demand — the supply of expectant mothers continues to rise. It’s imperative that we teach ourselves how to engage them in productive, thought-provoking dialogue. Pregnant women, and particularly those in their third trimester, are going through a roller coaster ride of emotions and body changes. These changes can increase their vulnerability to other impacts. Understanding this vulnerability is key for friends, family, and acquaintances who want to help without accidentally making things worse.
Expectant women usually get the worst of it, ending up on the receiving end of the most invasive and obnoxious queries. Everyday questions such as “When are you due?” or “Have you had the baby yet?” can trigger an emotional moment. This holds even more true as you get closer to those last few weeks of pregnancy. During the third trimester, many pregnant women struggle with discomfort and emotional stress, making them more susceptible to unsolicited comments.
The emotional toll of pregnancy can be confusing and your feelings may vary day to day. That being said, the process of creating and carrying a brand-new life is naturally awe-inspiring but makes women more emotionally susceptible as well. With so much going on in their bodies, it is not uncommon for them to feel large, even uncomfortable, physically as they approach their delivery date. I think a lot of pregnant women, particularly in third trimester, will be mentally primed to be over this pregnancy.
The last thing a stressed-out, pregnant woman needs is an abundance of unwanted advice coming from every direction. Some will go as far as to ask how to provoke labor and even doubt their birthing plan. This flood of well-meaning opinions can be extremely counterproductive and can quickly result in feelings of discouragement and alienation.
To find the best way to maneuver around these exchanges, we need to be thoughtful in our conversations. Connect with a pregnant friend, sister, or daughter and ask how you can be of support to her. It’s an awesome and easy way to demonstrate your support! General offers of help can offer relief without violating her physical space or emotional psyche.
How (not) to ask “So, hey, how did you make love last night?
Further, keep in mind that a pregnant woman may only feel comfortable communicating with a close inner circle of trusted advisors. Maybe she would feel safe coming to them if something’s happening with her period for instance. This narrow comfort zone can make things more difficult. Not everyone will know what she’s comfortable with or what her preferences are.
“I got the twins remark quite a lot and let me tell you it got very, very tired.” – author
The increased visibility that comes with pregnancy often serves to act as a magnet for the unsolicited counsel and remarks awaiting them from everyone they meet. Friends and acquaintances almost always experience the urge to expend some effort giving you their deep take. They don’t necessarily consider the pregnant woman’s immediate psychosocial context. While it’s important for everyone interacting with pregnant people to proceed with caution and consider the message conveyed,
This sensitivity doesn’t just apply to words—body language and tone are equally important, if not more so. Offering validation without making intrusive statements helps create a more conducive therapeutic environment. We must find opportunities to build environments where pregnant individuals feel seen and validated, instead of shaming, scaring, or confusing them.
Additionally, it is important for friends and family of pregnant people to keep in mind that each and every pregnancy is different. What was the right fit for one woman isn’t the right fit for the next. Therefore, sweeping generalizations or assumptions about experiences in pregnancy should be out of the question.
