At 26, Michael Slepian, an associate professor at Columbia University, had an epiphany. In that split second, his life, like so many others before him, was irrevocably altered. He discovered a jaw-dropping secret: he and his brother were both born from donor conception. This hugely significant revelation had been a closely guarded secret by his family. In addition to reshaping his understanding of his own identity, this revelation brought him closer with his father on many levels.
The disclosure came in an unexpected midnight phone call from his father, who said, “Are you sitting down? I need to tell you that I’m not able biologically to have children. I’m not your biological father.” That time period proved to be a watershed moment for Michael. He quickly started to further investigate how secrets affect personal relationships and mental health in his scholarly work.
His adoptive grandmother had raised such concerns herself for years. She was afraid if he knew he would lose faith in his place in the family, and that’s the last thing she wanted. What Michael learned, instead, was that this sort of honesty with his dad deepened their relationship, making their bond stronger than ever. This experience aligns with Michael’s belief that “the moment you decide to keep a secret is the moment you have to live with that secret.” He argues that cultivating openness and transparency is critical to start building emotional intelligence and understanding.
Michael’s area of expertise is the psychology of secrets. For the last quarter century, he’s been focused on understanding how secrets influence people and affect their relationships. His work poignantly illustrates the detrimental effects of secrets on mental and physical health. He’s done a deep dive on this topic in many journals and talks. His studies suggest that when we divulge secrets to people we can genuinely trust with the information, the result is generally uplifting, even liberating.
Michael’s connection to the topic is not just academic. It is personal and emotional. As he explored the radical psychology of secrets, he discovered a fascinating reality. The truth is that everyone has at least one weighty secret with them at all times. His conclusions remind us of the positive power of exposing secrets, providing emotional balm, fresh perspectives, and strength.
“I felt really lucky and privileged, and that it made me special,” he reflects on his own journey of self-discovery following the revelation about his conception. And I know that others believe this too, having lived through devastating family secrets. Most importantly, they know the challenges that accompany such truths.
In addition to his academic work, Michael has contributed to various media outlets, discussing the nuances of secrecy and its effects on human relationships. His research has been instrumental in shaping policies on confidentiality, enabling organizations to better understand their footing in the intersection of privacy and transparency.
Michael examines the effects of secrets in different contexts. He hopes that by grounding them in these dynamics, individuals and communities can better address the range of complex issues that confidentiality always raises. His dedication to this field demonstrates the value of confronting and healing the emotional aftermath of secrets.
