In an era when screen time often raises eyebrows among parents, one family has discovered a different approach that fosters connection and understanding. Like many other parents, Andrew Hartley, a father of two from Maidenhead, has ditched the hard and fast rules about screen time for his son Jordan, seven with autism. Rather than treating their gaming hours as a loss of valuable time, Andrew is aware of the myriad benefits that can arise from these relationships. The family frequently enters the world of Minecraft together. As a result, they play for hours on end instead of spending that time catching up on schoolwork.
At first, Andrew was torn on the idea of letting his kids spend long stretches of time on screens. “It’s easy to think children are just wasting their day,” he admits. As he saw Jordan growing and succeeding in this new social space, his tune started to change. In more ways than one, the transition solidified the relationship between father and son. It also provided Jordan with an outlet to interact socially and build important skills.
The Role of Professional Insight
Experts in child development have also chimed in on the complicated link between screen time and autistic kids. Dr. Naomi Fisher, a specialist in mental health issues affecting children, including autism and childhood trauma, emphasizes that many parents seek ways to engage their children meaningfully.
Dr. Fisher has observed children with autism behave dramatically differently online than they would in person. “Often for autistic children, they don’t have friends in the outside world and they can interact with people online,” she explains. However, these online interactions can help children manage anxiety, giving them the chance to socialize in a low-pressure environment.
Dr. Fisher wants parents to stop giving in to fear and start rolling with screen time. “Screen time is one of the only areas where the accepted good parenting response to ‘what does your child do?’ is ‘I have no idea. I don’t get involved,’” she states. Through engaging with their children’s lives online, parents will be able to find out what their children are interested in—and create a more meaningful bond.
Addressing Concerns Around Screen Time
In addition, parents truly don’t seem to know what screen time limits are reasonable. This can lead to detrimental and undue stress among families. Heidi Ryan, another parent who initially enforced screen time restrictions, altered her approach after her children were diagnosed with neurodivergence. “The more I understood my kids and how their brains worked and how they decompressed and how they engaged with the world, the more I let go of those expectations,” she reflects.
Dr. Michelle Menezes, who has conducted studies on the mental health impacts of screen time for autistic youth, adds nuance to the conversation. “The relationship doesn’t seem to be quite so simple for autistic youth,” she notes. Her research indicates that there is no clear association between screen time and increased anxiety or depression among autistic children and teenagers.
Menezes explains that since these children are so truly invested in their passions, they go much deeper than their neurotypical counterparts. This energy can be channeled productively via video games and other online endeavors, possibly improving STEM skills and social interaction along the way.
The Benefits of Gaming
Andrew’s experience with Jordan is an example of how video games can be powerful tools for building connections and fostering understanding. Through Minecraft, Andrew sees his son jump into rich conversations and negotiations with other children. “I hear the most amazing conversations going on when they are playing together—amazing negotiations and planning,” Dr. Fisher notes.
Weaving together reality and fantasy, both IRL and virtually, she makes clear that interactions such as these would be praised in everyday life. Rather than ridiculed, they should be celebrated and rewarded. “If this was anything else other than in a video game, we would all be like ‘this is amazing’,” she comments.
Andrew, after a long time of resisting, has learned to appreciate that screen time does a lot to support Jordan’s connection, learning, and self-regulation. He urges other parents to reconsider their stance on screen time: “Even if you think it’s a waste of time, can you value it because they find value in it?”
