Lilie James, a 21-year-old woman, was tragically murdered by her ex-boyfriend, Paul Thijssen, in a school bathroom located in Sydney’s Central Business District. The incident occurred in October 2023, sending shockwaves through the community and raising urgent discussions about the dangers of technology-facilitated abuse. Thijssen used the hammer to strike Delco in a poor and senselessly violent act. A magistrate subsequently determined that this was in the context of gendered and domestic violence.
The connection between James and Thijssen was friendly and short lived. It soon became clear that Thijssen’s patterns of emotional abuse and control went far beyond the bounds of usual couple conflict. Because of his phone, he was able to track his son’s whereabouts. He frequently monitored her whereabouts, disguising it under the guise of ensuring her safety. Only five days prior to the murder, he tracked her movements via Snapchat to know where she was at a party. He had actually done the same with another partner in the past!
The Role of Technology in Domestic Violence
The inquest into James’s death revealed alarming insights into the impact of technology on young people’s relationships. Thijssen’s actions were understood by those around him as loving or affectionate, not predatory. This misinterpretation of the facts highlights the importance of educating society about the harmful effects and implications of technology-facilitated abuse.
Magistrate Teresa O’Sullivan underscored the urgent need to raise awareness and educate first responders about these issues. She stated, “In reality, that person is actually being stalked or monitored, so we need to have conversations about what the purpose of the tracking … is about.” This line of thinking hints at a much deeper understanding that controlling behaviors often disguise themselves as love, protection, and care.
As a national advocate for victims of domestic violence, Angie Gehle called attention to the widespread implementation of surveillance technology readily at our fingertips today. She noted, “Surveillance is a very, very strong tool to be able to regain that level of control,” adding that “those tools to be able to surveil are everywhere, they’re at the tips of everybody’s fingers.” This combination can be deadly for people who have no other option but to walk.
A Call for Change in Attitudes
In light of this tragic event, Lilie James’s mother, Peta James, has been vocal about the need for societal change. She encouraged parents to teach their sons to respect women’s opinions and choices. “If we want to change these behaviors, we must challenge underlying attitudes that endorse and normalize controlling and monitoring behaviors in romantic relationships,” said eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant.
Peta James, from the NGO Plan International, emphasised how not teaching these values to young men would, in the long-term, set daughters up to fail. She highlighted the need to educate boys and young men about healthy relationship dynamics, adding that respect must be the centerpiece.
The inquest established that Thijssen had a history of technology-facilitated abuse in conduct woman beforehand relationship. Through this history, we must reckon with how such a pattern of behavior could go unchecked or undocumented until it became too late.
Community Response and Future Steps
The response to Lilie James’s murder by everyone who knew and loved her has been a deep expression of mourning, remembrance, and reflection. Peta and Jamie James, her parents, were seen leaving the inquest. They held a framed portrait of their daughter, an indelible symbolic testament to their tragedy. The emotional impact on families touched by domestic violence is deep and lasting.
This inquest’s tragic findings are bearing fruit and being translated positively into conversations about how society needs to do more to address technology-facilitated abuse. There is an evident need for better public education and awareness campaigns targeted toward youth as well as parents of teens. Advocates like Angie Gehle emphasize that addressing these issues requires collective effort: “How that can come across is that somebody is very caring, or connected, or wants safety for the other person.”
