In recent years, China has witnessed a significant decline in its birth rate, prompting many young women to rethink their relationships and dating practices. The “boy sober” movement has arisen in part as a counter trend to this wave, especially among feminists in big cities. This movement encourages women to prioritize self-care and emotional well-being over traditional dating norms, reflecting a broader shift in societal attitudes toward love and marriage.
As the country’s demographic challenges continue to worsen, women such as Lexie Chang are making these new roles their own. Chang has been employed as a cosplay talent for one year. She says emotional support is the most important thing in her approach to the work. She listens, offers comfort, and embraces clients with hugs, providing a therapeutic experience that many find lacking in conventional dating scenarios. This kinder approach connects to those looking to cultivate deeper friendships, free from the heave-ho of traditional romantic courtship.
The Boy Sober Movement’s Rise
Pan Wang, a sociologist focused on Chinese studies at the University of New South Wales, points to an interesting trend. He rightly points out that the boy sober movement largely appeals to cosmopolitan feminists and urban cadres. Through interviews and personal reflection, it pushes women to abandon dating apps and conventional romantic entanglements in favor of self-care and radical self-transformation. For context, the hashtag #boysober has over 320 million views on Tiktok alone. This increase is an undeniable sign of an inspiring empowerment movement among young Chinese females.
Author of Leftover Women, Leta Hong Fincher, makes a most powerful argument. Yet movements such as “boy sober” illustrate a growing feminist consciousness among this new generation of heterosexual women, argues Burch. Beyond individual decisions, they are pushing back against societal expectations to marry by a specific age. Instead, they’re pursuing their dreams and interests and finding their own paths to fulfillment. This trend speaks to wider trends in changing family structures and gender roles in Chinese society.
Xuanzi, an enthusiastic member of the “boy sober” movement, vented her online dating woes. Fed up with the absence of real connections, she decided to take matters into her own hands and hire a cosplay boyfriend for a day long date. This decision reflects the ongoing journey that many women are undertaking to take emotional fulfillment into their own hands. They want to skip the drama that usually accompanies a traditional courtship.
Changing Perspectives on Relationships
The changing landscape of relationships in China is evident in the experiences of young women like Maman, a university student in Beijing. After failing repeatedly to find an ideal romantic partner through cosplay, she chose to rent herself a cosplay boyfriend as an alternative means of social connection. This decision is illustrative of a favorable trend. Women are boldly pushing back against traditional timelines as they adapt to the rules of the new dating game.
As a recent graduate from nearby Zhuhai, Ying saw firsthand how many women simply quit looking for a match. They tend to be disappointed that men don’t live up to their standards for gender-equal partnerships. As societal expectations of dating change, millennials are raising the bar when it comes to what they expect and desire from a partner.
The idea that love can be turned away has little currency among advocates in the “boy sober” movement. Xuanzi soon set the record straight. She and her clients are all about love, but they are not about this pressure to go get married because society thinks you need to be married before your 30. This rejection of traditional timelines reclaims their agency and freedom, allowing them to explore their identities and desires without external constraints.
The Impact of Declining Marriage Rates
Against this backdrop of these changing attitudes comes the breakneck couplet of historic decline in marriage registrations in China. Last year, weddings dropped by a fifth to a mere 6.1 million, barely over half of what it was seven years ago in 2013. This drop is a clear reflection of the changing attitudes of American youth towards romance and dedication.
As reported by the Chinese Academy of Sciences’ 2022 Report on the Mental Health of College Students, approximately 42% of China’s youth were not actively seeking relationships. This stat right here is incredibly telling of a new wave of introspection and self-discovery over cultural pressures to conform to the idea of romantic relationships.
The “boy sober” trend marks an amazing departure in young women’s relationship expectations. Through an emphasis on self-care and emotional well-being, they subvert standard norms, creating a culture of empowerment and agency in the process. The movement is significant beyond just the individual choices it embodies—it indicates a more expansive cultural shift taking place within Chinese society.
